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swanheartOf course, people like me are in love with beauty. It's just not the kind you think.
It makes me mad when people say, eating disorders is all about being like popular thin celebrities. I don't care about celebrities. The thing I would not want to be is famous. Liked... loved... but, not famous. If you are famous, your life is always on display. Nothing you do doesn't get raked over and broken to pieces by the hungry media. Nothing you do will ever be safe, to hide for your own personal self. It makes me shiver. I can't want that.
I was making a pineapple smoothie... very fat-free, just, put frozen pineapple chunks in a blender with some orange juice. It's very healthy. I like to make all kinds of smoothies, it's a favourite and safe food to me. On the back of the bag of pineapple chunks, there was a recipe for a tropical-type smoothie you can make with pineapples, ice, and "light" type coconut milk. Some other things as well, though, it says key lime yogurt and I hate American style yogurt, it tastes like chemicals. I don't know who decided that was "yogurt" but, I think most American never have tasted actual yogurt in their life. But I have fat-free lime sorbet, that probably can work instead.
Eating things like that... pieces of fruit, coconut milk... it makes me feel light, pure, fairy-like. Like some hummingbird, sipping on a nectar. That's my image of beauty. Not being a superstar, supermodel, anything like that. Who wants the pressures of the fashion world? I want to be a bird, riding the easy air between flowers and inspiring in people's minds images of fairies, wisps, dandelion seed. Who wants to live in a grounded human way?
Of course, it's not possible, in this life, to be a dandelion seed, not just by being thin. If it's that way, then, a girl like me, who is naturally 90 pounds before starting this, would never be anorexic. People think, why would a 90 pound girl ever become anorexic? She's lucky. 90 pounds is some people's goal weight. But, you always think, just a little more... then I can be pure. Then, I can be free. It's a lie of course. But it feels that way.
I saw this today... it's a kind of "fitspiration" in a way. Just to start with, I like the name of the blog, and the title of the entry. I also think it's interesting... this man is a weight that surely makes anyone with ED going into shock. It makes many people WITHOUT ED going into shock. But, look at his picture. He looks healthy. Might not be skinny, but, you can't call such a person "fat", either. He burns something like, 3600 calories a day. On top of what normal people burn. His body really is a furnace. Pulling in, and pushing out all that power. Another way to be made of pure energy... I wish I could be that. I'm not sure I have it in myself. But, maybe when I am stronger, I can be an energetic girl just that way.
It makes me mad when people say, eating disorders is all about being like popular thin celebrities. I don't care about celebrities. The thing I would not want to be is famous. Liked... loved... but, not famous. If you are famous, your life is always on display. Nothing you do doesn't get raked over and broken to pieces by the hungry media. Nothing you do will ever be safe, to hide for your own personal self. It makes me shiver. I can't want that.
I was making a pineapple smoothie... very fat-free, just, put frozen pineapple chunks in a blender with some orange juice. It's very healthy. I like to make all kinds of smoothies, it's a favourite and safe food to me. On the back of the bag of pineapple chunks, there was a recipe for a tropical-type smoothie you can make with pineapples, ice, and "light" type coconut milk. Some other things as well, though, it says key lime yogurt and I hate American style yogurt, it tastes like chemicals. I don't know who decided that was "yogurt" but, I think most American never have tasted actual yogurt in their life. But I have fat-free lime sorbet, that probably can work instead.
Eating things like that... pieces of fruit, coconut milk... it makes me feel light, pure, fairy-like. Like some hummingbird, sipping on a nectar. That's my image of beauty. Not being a superstar, supermodel, anything like that. Who wants the pressures of the fashion world? I want to be a bird, riding the easy air between flowers and inspiring in people's minds images of fairies, wisps, dandelion seed. Who wants to live in a grounded human way?
Of course, it's not possible, in this life, to be a dandelion seed, not just by being thin. If it's that way, then, a girl like me, who is naturally 90 pounds before starting this, would never be anorexic. People think, why would a 90 pound girl ever become anorexic? She's lucky. 90 pounds is some people's goal weight. But, you always think, just a little more... then I can be pure. Then, I can be free. It's a lie of course. But it feels that way.
I saw this today... it's a kind of "fitspiration" in a way. Just to start with, I like the name of the blog, and the title of the entry. I also think it's interesting... this man is a weight that surely makes anyone with ED going into shock. It makes many people WITHOUT ED going into shock. But, look at his picture. He looks healthy. Might not be skinny, but, you can't call such a person "fat", either. He burns something like, 3600 calories a day. On top of what normal people burn. His body really is a furnace. Pulling in, and pushing out all that power. Another way to be made of pure energy... I wish I could be that. I'm not sure I have it in myself. But, maybe when I am stronger, I can be an energetic girl just that way.
