cygnus olor

It's a truth... that, the way you look means nothing, but, it also means everything.

It doesn't change what kind of a person you are, what you can do, what you can show to the world... whether you're black, white or some colour between, whether you're thin or fat, tall or short, beautiful by some standard or not. It doesn't change that your deep and secret heart might be beautiful or ugly, and that's what matters. It doesn't change your soul.

But, it changes everything, because, people care. How seriously you can be taken, even how much you can be loved, is weighted by your looks. People say it's not true but they lie. A few people, see past it completely of course. But, it is the opinion of most people and so, it is the weight of the world pressing down on you.

I love to think of a world, where everyone can have no shape, and just be the soul. Then we will finally be free of this stupid judgment. But, I wonder, in that time... will we still long for beautiful bodies to wear? How deep does the love of beauty really run inside us?

If we were all free from our body, would we still want a way to show people that we are pretty? Or, could it stop mattering?

Are we even trapped here in this physical form because our souls love this body beauty too much, and so, they trap us in the end? Is the meaning of physical life that we loved the body too much, so, we fell as angels?

When I see things about ED recovery, often, I think a lot of it is looking at things in a wrong way, that tries to deny something that the person with ED needs. It's different for everyone, but, most people with ED thinks, it's not about weights, fat, thin, or pretty, but, it is about being pure, light and perfect. Often, recovery things are trying to talk you out of the belief to be perfect, saying... nobody can be perfect. Accept your self as it is.

Because I am a very spiritual person (I am Hermetic), this is against my traditions, and, it is against the hearts and minds of many people with ED who really feel from an early age... that they want to be pure. I think, this is a responding to something deep in the soul and should not be ignored! Pretending that "you don't really want to be pure" is a way to fail in recovery... trying to ignore what your heart and mind is really saying. And, it can feel bad when people say to you, "you need to be normal" when you feel you are anything BUT normal. When they say, "you need to take away this thing that helps you cope", when you have no other thing to look at to cope.

You don't have to give up being pure if you want to recover. In fact... if you recover... you can probably have more energy to put into a life that will really make you pure. ED feels like it makes you pure, but, there is a better way to do it I think. It's like, alcohol feels like it makes you happy, but, it doesn't really.

And, you don't have to take away your only thing for coping... instead of just quitting and going into the naked world all alone... you can move to a different way of coping, slow enough that you never feel you lose anything. It's like rolling from one pillow to the other, instead of, rolling off a bed and falling on the floor. You can have supports under you, all the way.

So, these are my ideas, for a different way of looking at recovery.


( Seeking wings )